So, I begin this post with rare, unsarcasticated (is that a word?) honesty; Brace yourself. I am not a good mother. I am not a good wife. Sometimes I am not even that great of a person. I am not saying this to garner sympathy. It turns out for me that being a wife and a mother is a very humbling and rocky experience drizzled with moments of warmth, affection and joy. It is those moments that keep me in the game. I realize that in most other aspects of my life, I tend to be a quitter. If I don't get it right the first time or don't win right away, I give up. Marriage and motherhood has been the exception to that. This is not something I can give up on, yet I repeat patterns of imperfection to point that right now I am just frustrated. I know where I go wrong. Most of the time, I even know it in the moment I choose do lose my temper or lash out at Doug, but I do it any way. It is hard to start fresh when you can't run away and start over with a new husband and kids. So, that's my serious, frustrating confession for today. Take it or leave it.
On to news of the kids. Today was hopefully a lesson learned for Walker. We had a babysitter for a couple of hours this afternoon and apparently he was physical with her (pushing and pretending to bite). These are things he does to me when he doesn't like what is going on. I assumed (yes, I know what that does) that he would know better when some one else was in charge of him. While I do not like that my child did this to our babysitter, I am glad it was a teachable moment for him. On this rare occasion, I did not lose my cool (totally) with him. Instead, I told him how disappointed and sad I was. Then, I gave the harshest punishment I could think of: (any guesses??) Yes, I took away Disney channel for two days. The boy SOBBED for a straight hour. Surprisingly, he did not lash out at me like I expected him to, he just cried and cried and cried. I am hoping this is because he realizes he was wrong. It got the point that he said in his defeated little voice: "Can we just stop talking about this, PLEASE!"
Lauren Grace (Warren Gace as she calls herself) is getting to be quite the feisty little one and chatty too!! She scraped her knee yesterday when Doug took them to the park. You would of thought she was just accepted to the elite toddlers club where you have to have at least one "big owie" as your initiation in. Well, she's in. She is still my little cuddle bug.
Brady boy. What a hoot he is!! He is walking from here to there and everywhere (thank you Dr. Seuss for that one!). He is quite proud of himself to. While the novelty has started to wear off a little, lucky for him Walker still makes a big deal of it when he is walking so he still beams when he is toddling around. That darn kid is on the tall side too, so things that were once safely out of reach on tables and counters are now fair game. The edges of my counters are nice and clean while the middle is piled high with stuff to keep away from Mr. Sticky-Fingers.
Well, you know what they say, while at work . . . . check you e-mail one more time! Just kidding, I should probably get back to work!!
Hope I didn't dash anyone's high moral standard for me!!
Always human, sometimes less so,
Pam
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