Birthday Parties and Back to School!

Well the Goebel kids have started school! They had a blast on their first day of school at St. Pius. I will say that they traded the crabbies as you can see in the pictures. Brady was not feeling the love at back to school night and Lauren may have had a minor meltdown the morning of the first day. Something about not finding her shoes, which her mother constantly tells her to put where they belong, and wouldn't you know, they were not where they should have been. She shook it off and had a great day anyway. Brady came home crabby from the first day, but a good nap fixed that! We're off to the races! The boys of August had their Bday party this past Saturday! They were supposed to have it at our pool, but their brilliant father saw that the weather was not going to be in their favor, so we changed locations to the YMCA. They still got to swim and they had ooodles of fun! Thanks for all who came out! You were more then generous with gifts and well wishes! They are still playing away with their loot! Thanks also to Uncle David who had a card waiting for both Brady and Max in the mail when we got home from the party. We went right then and there to redeem the generous gift card he sent them! Suffice it to say, we have more wrestlers than we know what to do with now! The Orendachs also gave spoiled them Sunday before Doug's volleyball game! Thanks again!

It was a good weekend! We will celebrate their actual birthdays this week and keep in the groove of school!

Tacos

So this title may be a little misleading. This post actually has NOTHING to do with actual tacos. This past Sunday, Doug and I got out for part of the afternoon without children. We had grandma come over and watch the kiddos. And no, we did not go for tacos. We went to the infant memorial service at Immanuel for anyone who suffered infant loss this past year at any Alegent hospital. We were told about this service back in March when our loss happened. Doug has been waiting and watching for info on this service ever since. If it were just me, I probably would not have gone, but it was clearly very important to Doug that we go. Being the good wife that I sometimes am, I swallowed all my reservations and excuses and away we went. It was held in a tastefully decorated conference room. We were given the candle at the beginning. I perused the program for the service. Some very poignant songs were chosen, such as Eagles Wings, (a funeral standard and tear jerker for us catholics) and I will Carry You by Selah, a contemporary christian group. There was a lady all alone in the row in front of us already crying. Tacos. The service started with the sisters singing. They were an adorable group of elderly nuns who apparently do this sort of thing often for the hospitals. Bible readings were read. A nurse gave a statement that was comforting. The presider, a chaplain from Bergan gave his statement. He spoke of his experience with infant loss and had a hard time getting through. Tacos. He had the nerve to look straight at me while I was clearly trying to distract myself with thinking of different mexican food dishes, ok, maybe just one, tacos. His perspective as a male I think resonated with Doug, so I was glad he spoke, just wish he didn't try to make direct eye contact. Then a parent statement was given by a very sweet and suffering couple about their struggles with infant loss. Tacos, guacamole. This statement took a little more distraction to get through. Their statements were very raw and hearbreaking.

So now starts the song, I Will Carry You, and they call each family to light a candle for their baby and each member of the couple gets a rose. Steady. I am as strong as a fortress. Uh huh. The first baby they call belongs to the tear streaked lady in front of us. She lit her candle and laid two pictures on the table next to it. Tacos. Burritos? Enchiladas? Carne asada? Nope. Didn't work this time. You could clearly see they were pictures of her holding her infant son. I lost it. The chaplain seemed to almost gloat that it finally got to me (not really, but that's how I felt.) To make matters worse, an eight year old kid came in half way through the service and was sitting right next to me. I could feel his awkwardness at my sudden gasping for breath. There was a mutual feeling of awkwardness there. They called baby Goebel. I let Doug do the lighting. The nurses who were facilitating this part of the service seemed as though they would be disappointed if I didn't hug them. Again, awkward. Doug would have gladly hugged them, anyone in the room and possibly people in the next room. Me, not so much a hugger. Needless to say, it was difficult watching each family go through this ceremony. I was pretty disappointed with myself that I didn't have the emotional stamina to get through the whole thing without bawling. I really thought tacos would work. By the end, I decided that maybe it shouldn't be a test of my stamina. That may be completely missing the point of the ceremony. I really do feel like we have moved on from our loss, but in some ways, we will always have that. A loss. I didn't really want to accept that. When the ceremony ended, Doug and I did what we knew best. We went straight to the next room for the free food. There was some more awkwardness, but at least now I had a cup of coffee and a white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookie to keep me going. Again, I would not have gone of my own volition. Again, my husband gently nudged be to go beyond myself and do what was right for us. Ahh marriage. Humbling, frustrating, unconditional loving marriage. I hope I am just as pushy, controlling and frustrating a wife for him, or more simply put, I hope I have helped him grow as much as he has helped me. I debated with myself (yes, I argue with myself constantly, but at least I always win!) on whether or not to write about this because it is not something I would sit next to you and talk to you about. But this blog is about my kids. All of them. Enough said.